Parenting – theharperblog

[Forced Edit] Why is this forced? Why do I have to edit this little blog? Well, while I was trying to complete it the week of Labor Day, God had other plans. His plans were for me to head to the ER. We walked into the ER on Saturday, Sept 7th at 7pm and pulled back up to our house on Saturday, Sept 14th at 5pm. It was quite a crazy week. Most waking moments, I was in pain and couldn’t focus on much of anything. Talk about God getting your attention! I’m much better now and very thankful for God’s plan.

I add this and share it on this blog in order to praise God and also heap praise onto my loving wife. The one who’s been with me for 35 Summers.

Sincerely, I have never in my life felt more loved and cared for as an adult human being. Truth is lots of family & friends came to check on me and show their love & support. It was amazingly comforting during a really tough time. But Kym… her strength, resolve, commitment and advocacy for me was nothing short of miraculous. I mean it.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 19:22

Man, don’t I know that to be true!

I know now that she was hurting as she watched me in agonizing physical pain with days of no answer. Her pain was emotional and spiritual and just as tough to handle as mine. Yet, she stayed consistently strong in the face of it all. Everyone that visited or messaged, you guys meant so much to her. What a real lifting of spirits you brought with you.

In all of that, God worked, lessons were learned and they fixed me up. God is good and he shared that goodness with us.

So, now, back to summer. 35 Summers to be exact.

When does summer end for you? Does the temperature determine it? Maybe it’s the day the community pool closes or the first day of school?

For me, it was definitely the Labor Day holiday. Since I’m a 70’s kid, that’s when we started our school year. Never, ever, did we darken the doors of the school campus before Labor Day had come and gone. It was quite glorious!

Now days, school districts here in Texas can start as early as the first week of August. I mean, it’s still blazing hot in North Texas. Lots of years, we are still flirting with days at 100° well in to October. That’s always seemed crazy to me to rush students back and shorten their summers.

Either way, the beginning of September and Labor Day has been the symbolic end of summer. Fall is on the horizon for a large portion of the country. Cooler temps (maybe not actually “cool”, but cooler) are on the horizon, leaves will begin to fall, sweaters will be worn, and some sort of pumpkin spice flavored drink will find its way into your periphery.

This particular Labor Day, September 2, 2024, marks the 35th summer I have spent with my bride, Kym. Yeah, it started way back in 1990.

We were beginning our sophomore years of college and I was totally smitten. I’m not even kidding. I could barely see straight! She was, and still is, the absolute best!

What started out back then as summers spent apart (summer camp working for her and delivering pizzas for me), has turned into doing whatever we can to totally enjoy our summers.

There has been plenty of time to enjoy the pool, teaching swim lessons, heading to the beach for a week, and getting her classroom ready for another batch of kinders. By God’s grace, we enjoyed our third straight week at the beach together. Kym is kinda mesmerized by it and it’s definitely growing on me. The best part is just being away with her.

Kym read lots of books and took in lots of watching the waves roll in. It was a beautiful week away and together. Shout out to my buddy Lon who secured me some tee times with his golf connections. Played three of the nicest courses I have ever played. I’m not old enough to retire, but I think I could get used to days where I golf in the morning and meet Kym to hang on the beach afterwards.

Alas, now with Labor Day 2024 having come and gone, another summer has ended and the 2024-25 school year is in full swing. At this point Kym’s school is in full effect and life gets a little crazier. She works so stinkin hard for her kinders and their families. There isn’t an ounce of love she holds back throughout the year!

The reason I wanted to write this blog is that it’s kinda cool for me to think back over the past 35 summers and remember the cool things, fun times and trips we’ve taken. Lots of good times with the kids where we embraced the free feeling of summer.

35, that’s a big number for some to consider. Lots of summers, travel, camping with the kiddos, ballgames, Lubbock trips and all kinds of fun. No matter how hot, we found a way to do something we all enjoyed. I wouldn’t trade one summer with the family.

Like we talk about with our church, summer brings with it a real sense of freedom and tends to pull us toward that feeling. Feelings of fewer responsibilities, more fun and even an escape from the norm. There is more daylight, more time to go and do things we can’t always get to the rest of the year. It’s kinda awesome!

Just as quickly as it comes, it goes away. The new school year and approaching fall brings us back to routine. Schedules fill up with days full of lots of the same and we find ourselves settling back into it. Honestly, it can bring a real sense of calm for some. Routine can help us find our groove.

My prayer for you and your family is that you are finding that groove. That you have settled in and are getting ready for fall. Make sure to leave margin in your life, room for unexpected things that will come up. God definitely has plans to which we are not privy. But, they are always for our good.

We are attempting to find joy & even some rest in the normality of our routine. Of course, now Kym & I are eagerly awaiting and looking forward to next year’s beach trip. Haha.

Here’s a quick thought about the state of parenting in America today.

Maybe it was a specific time and place, or a particular worldwide event that sparked the change, but something has clearly shifted in the way parents raise and train their children. At times it almost seems that the keys to the kingdom have been flat handed over. Mom and Dad just hope and pray that their little heathen spawn do not take over totally and destroy everything.

Overstated? Maybe. But similar scenes play themselves out over and over in our society today. A scene in which mom or dad want the child to do something, but can not acquire even a modicum of compliance. The kid glares at the parent with a look of, “Did you just tell me to do something” or “You talkin to me?” Then the child continues to do exactly the opposite, and there are zero consequences…unless you count the pain and suffering the rest of us have to endure as consequences. It’s nearly impossible to make even a short trip to a store without witnessing parents at the end of their ropes, and kids screaming and yelling as they’re carried or dragged down the aisles.

While each child is unique, as well as every parent, there does appear to be a common thread that connects these awkward and chaotic parent-child battle scenes. The word “NO” has become a bad word for parents. Obedience and compliance to the wishes of the parents (who are supposed to be the ones with the wisdom) is nowhere to be seen. In fact, there are very few commands given at all in the new parent-child relationship. It’s as if parenting has become a daily exercise in bargaining. Parents ask questions of their little darlings, like asking permission to have them do or stop doing something, and then just hope the child will agree.

Ludicrous is the word that best describes this parenting practice for me. Even at times when the child’s safety is at stake, this same practice is prevalent. Seriously? A child stands up in his high chair at the restaurant, his head a good 4-5 feet above the concrete floor, and there is still this idea of, “Please sit down, Sweetie.” “Let’s not stand up, Bubba.” Parents need a grasp of what it means to parent with a loving, firm hand of leadership. Protecting your young children is at stake. Children need to have a very clear sense of who is in control, who is their authority, and who is there to help and protect them.

When they are doing something that they shouldn’t, you need to tell them, “No”, and they need to know without any doubt that you mean it. The same goes for when you tell them to stop or start doing something. Young children need to be taught how to obey right away. They’re young lives are shaped and molded by how they follow leadership from their parents. They are learning that life is not all about them. In fact, it’s mostly not about them, and they need to know that.

As they age, and learn to do things on their own, the percentage of their lives that belong to them grows. However, in years 0-4 or so, their young lives have little of that ownership. They live lives of “do this/don’t do that”, and these formidable years are crucial to them being able to understand life.

So, parents, teach your children the word “no”. Teach them that it is a good thing for them. Help them know that part of living life is understanding that we will have to hear “no” from time to time. Show them that the word “no” can be used with both kindness and firmness…that it is an important part of life. The younger they get a handle on this truth, the easier it will be for them as they grow and mature. And, the easier life will be for you during the early years of childhood.

One other quick note: mean what you say and say only what you mean. Take this principle from the Bible in Matthew 5:37. Let your “no” mean “no”, and your “yes” mean “yes”. Be an example of consistency and integrity as you lead your children. If you continually allow them to disobey as you repeat, “Stop that!” and “I told you…”, you are fostering in them a very real sense of confusion. Young children will ever push and search for the real boundaries that make them feel safe.

These words are shared in hopes of helping you in your journey of parenting. My hope is that you enjoy your children as you raise and train them to be God-honoring adults one day.

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Tag: Parenting

35 Summers

No is not a bad word