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That’s it. I’m Done!

You’ve met multiple times, done tons of talking, and discussed how the Bible addresses the struggles of life. There have been meetings for coffee, lunch appointments, quick breakfasts, and even a few late-night Waffle House trips. This person is your friend, your fellow Christian, and you’ve always been willing to meet and talk. You’ve been told that your friendship and counsel is a real blessing to this person.

However, you’re reaching the point of giving up. The talks have gone on and on, but there are zero signs of change. This person has the same problems, and most every step of forward progress has been met with two or three steps backward. Now, you are facing the struggle of considering whether or not you should continue spending (or wasting) time in this manner. Seriously, you wonder if wouldn’t be better for you to pour into a young Christian, and see them grow?

So…when is it okay to just be done? Can a Christian just decide enough is enough? The quick and easy answer is, “No.” But, there is also some ambiguity when it comes to defining what giving up means.

Matthew 10:14 is a verse often used to declare a Christian’s right to be done.

“And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.”

Truth is, that verse is specifically referring to non-Christians who refuse to hear the gospel. This verse can’t be pulled out of context, and applied to Christians living in community together. Yes, it can be frustrating to your spirit when your friend seems to continually ignore the truth, but you can’t just pick a verse that you think gives you an out.

Our example for living this life is Jesus. Jesus modeled a life of self-sacrifice, infinite faithfulness, and ultimate love, and he tells us to love as he does.

Ephesians 4:2 says that we need to have all humility, gentleness, and patience, as we bear with one another in love. In 1st Peter 4:8, we’re told “above all, keep loving one another earnestly.”

1 Corinthians 13:7 gives some definition to love saying that “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

So, as we are loving well and that love is enduring all things, we can “not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” Galatians 6:9. This verse is not a promise that as long as we do not give up, everything will definitely work out with our friend, and that friend will turn from sin. But it does mean that we are to stay faithful to the work of living in biblical community with one another, and let God handle the change that needs to take place in a person.

“Not as involved in pursuing your friend is not the same as giving up.”

Once it is understood that there is no allowance for giving up on a fellow Christian, we can evaluate what level of leaning in we need to offer our friend. The level of involvement has to change based on level of response from your friend. When your friend is listening, studying, and trying to make changes, you’ve got to be all in. You can meet regularly, and be the supportive and encouraging friend…always speaking truth in love. As long as things are progressing, everything is good and on track.

Moving to the next level happens when that friend ceases to pour into changing, misses meetings, or doesn’t do the studying. The next level comes when your friend does the yoyo thing with you. They are serious for a time, then missing for a time, and seeming not to care. Then, they come calling, and you start the process all over again. While you will still pour in, and lean in to help them change, you will do so with a certain level of guard. This isn’t because you do not care as much, or are not serious about helping. It is because there is an important shift from you doing the pursuing. The friend is reaching out, and you are going to still be there to help.

The final level for me is when you make significant changes to the amount of availability you have for this friend. This means that you might meet when your friend calls, but you won’t enter into a regular meeting or counseling situation. Instead, you will wait and ask to see some commitment and consistency from your friend. If this is a serious time of wanting change, it will be an easy step for your friend. If not, then, you haven’t wasted any time, and have saved yourself opportunity for frustration.

Remember, this is a way of approaching a fellow Christian when you are having feelings of wanting to give up. The pervading thought should be, “I won’t give up because God has never given up on me.”

Holding On Loosely

The classic rock band 38 Special sang, “hold on loosely, but don’t let go.” The song was released in 1980, when I was a young nine year old boy. I know I heard it from time to time on my parents’ radio, but it’s a certainty that I gave it little to no thought. It was just another cool sounding song.

The last three and a half decades have afforded me the blessings of aging and acquiring life experiences that have given me a certain perspective on the idea of holding on loosely…even though it’s very difficult at times.

When you have something you do not want to lose, holding on to it with anything less than a death grip seems totally illogical. Right? In those situations, you normally grab and hold with everything you have. The blood rushes away from your fingertips and they turn white as a sheet. So, the idea of holding on loosely boggles the mind. If I’m not serious about holding on to it, I’d just as soon not hold on.

The last couple of years (especially recently with my daughter) I have learned firsthand that parenting requires this kind of holding- loosely. I joked with my wife that if I had known we were going to have to let go of our children and let them live their own lives, I would have never gotten into this whole parenting thing. Truly, it’s been downright tough on this dad’s heart.

In today’s picture-happy world, there seems to be no escape from the reminders of just how special the early days were with my kiddos. It’s hard to go more than a day or two without seeing something that brings a warm smile to my heart. And, as a very good friend of mine pointed out to me the other day, I am quite sentimental. Actually, he told me he knew I would more than likely struggle with this stage of parenting. I’m still not sure why he never warned me.

Here’s what God’s word has reminded me of during this particular season of life.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”, and the Byrds kind of echoed it with their song, “Turn! Turn! Turn!” in 1965.

Psalm 103:15-16 says, “As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.”

Things change. That is life. Both of my amazing children, who need their parents less and less each day, will one day go on to live their own lives. Instead of my wife and I oohing and awing over all their cute little antics, we will strive to embrace their maturing and celebrate their accomplishments. The job has changed on a daily basis, but I must still joyfully enjoy, and be thankful for each and every different season of life.

“ADRIAN!”

In between watching more than my fair share of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies (simply because I love my wife), I happened upon a classic movie, and it brought tears to my eyes. What movie you ask? Rocky. Yes. Rocky. The first Rocky movie is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I don’t mind admitting that it brought me to tears as I watched roughly the last 40 minutes.

Assuredly, you are probably struggling to understand how this movie could induce a teary effect. I mean, it is a man’s man type of movie with lots of action, physical aggression, blood, sweat, etc. So, what’s the deal with the tears?

Well, for me, it all has to do with the deep connection of two souls. Critics will tell you that the movie is overly dramatic, and even cheesy as it tries to pull the viewer into the story, but I find it eerily believable. Rocky Balboa begins to doubt himself on the eve of the biggest fight of his life with the world champion, Apollo Creed. After walking the streets and visiting the arena where the fight will take place, he tells his girlfriend, Adrian, that he can’t do it. He knows he can’t beat Apollo, and he’s bearing his soul at this moment with Adrian. She reminds Rocky of how hard he has worked to get ready for this fight. She has had a front row seat, and she is reminding him that she is in this with him.

Rocky goes on to fight, and he fights valiantly. He is grossly outmatched by the much better boxer, and his body pays the price…but he fights until the last bell. He gives as much punishment as he takes, proves to himself that he can stand toe-to-toe with the champion, and holds his own. As a matter of fact, he nearly wins the fight.

The camera cuts back and forth between this epic battle in the ring and Adrian’s face as she watches. The connection between this man and woman who care about each other so deeply is unmistakably evident in her eyes. It’s as if she feels every blow that lands on Rocky’s head. His pain is her pain, and after the fight is over, his exuberance is hers as well.

With microphones shoved in his face, and reporters trying to get a comment, Rocky simply yells, “ADRIAN” over and over. Then we see Adrian yelling Rocky’s name as she pushes her way through the crowd and sneaks into the ring. Rocky’s face is mangled, and he probably can’t see Adrian out of his eyes that are swollen shut…but they find each other and embrace as if nobody else is around. It’s a magical scene.

Picturing that scene in my mind right now brings the same swell of emotion. These two shared their dreams, fears, failures, struggles, and accomplishments with each other. Rocky had a desire to compete for the championship, and Adrian walked each step of the way with him. They had a connection on a very deep level, and that is what shows through what some call a cheesy, over-acted classic movie.

What do I take from this as a Christian, a husband, a father, and a pastor? Honestly, there are many lessons I think could be shared. But for me, what stands out is the challenge to live deeply and passionately. I am challenged to find something worth going after, share it with my wife, and strive together to achieve it with everything I have. It’s a challenge to live life with purpose, making all decisions based on how it will affect the ultimate goal, and moving forward with confidence.

Too often, people find themselves relegated to and settling for the only life they think is attainable, and there they just exist. Going to work, coming home to dinner, and some sort of entertainment before falling into bed…just to do it all over again the next day. Most times there is little passion, few dreams, and no thought of achieving something greater.

Husbands and wives don’t talk about the deep things of their hearts. Parents and children go to separate rooms for the night, with little to no communication. Homes all over the world are filled with people who have settled into “the way things are” and they are happy to live out their days catching up on their latest favorite show.

I believe that living is much more than existing, and it is a conviction on my soul to think that I have taken the great blessings God has bestowed upon my life and neglected them as I simply exist. He has a greater plan for his children than that. God tells us that we can do all things through him according to his strength in our lives (Philippians 4:13). What a waste to have that kind of power and strength on our lives…and then not really live. May we all strive to live big for his honor and glory.

Yes. I was moved in my spirit thusly, and all from catching the end of Rocky. If you haven’t seen it, give it a try. You might end up inspired.

No is not a bad word

Here’s a quick thought about the state of parenting in America today.

Maybe it was a specific time and place, or a particular worldwide event that sparked the change, but something has clearly shifted in the way parents raise and train their children. At times it almost seems that the keys to the kingdom have been flat handed over. Mom and Dad just hope and pray that their little heathen spawn do not take over totally and destroy everything.

Overstated? Maybe. But similar scenes play themselves out over and over in our society today. A scene in which mom or dad want the child to do something, but can not acquire even a modicum of compliance. The kid glares at the parent with a look of, “Did you just tell me to do something” or “You talkin to me?” Then the child continues to do exactly the opposite, and there are zero consequences…unless you count the pain and suffering the rest of us have to endure as consequences. It’s nearly impossible to make even a short trip to a store without witnessing parents at the end of their ropes, and kids screaming and yelling as they’re carried or dragged down the aisles.

While each child is unique, as well as every parent, there does appear to be a common thread that connects these awkward and chaotic parent-child battle scenes. The word “NO” has become a bad word for parents. Obedience and compliance to the wishes of the parents (who are supposed to be the ones with the wisdom) is nowhere to be seen. In fact, there are very few commands given at all in the new parent-child relationship. It’s as if parenting has become a daily exercise in bargaining. Parents ask questions of their little darlings, like asking permission to have them do or stop doing something, and then just hope the child will agree.

Ludicrous is the word that best describes this parenting practice for me. Even at times when the child’s safety is at stake, this same practice is prevalent. Seriously? A child stands up in his high chair at the restaurant, his head a good 4-5 feet above the concrete floor, and there is still this idea of, “Please sit down, Sweetie.” “Let’s not stand up, Bubba.” Parents need a grasp of what it means to parent with a loving, firm hand of leadership. Protecting your young children is at stake. Children need to have a very clear sense of who is in control, who is their authority, and who is there to help and protect them.

When they are doing something that they shouldn’t, you need to tell them, “No”, and they need to know without any doubt that you mean it. The same goes for when you tell them to stop or start doing something. Young children need to be taught how to obey right away. They’re young lives are shaped and molded by how they follow leadership from their parents. They are learning that life is not all about them. In fact, it’s mostly not about them, and they need to know that.

As they age, and learn to do things on their own, the percentage of their lives that belong to them grows. However, in years 0-4 or so, their young lives have little of that ownership. They live lives of “do this/don’t do that”, and these formidable years are crucial to them being able to understand life.

So, parents, teach your children the word “no”. Teach them that it is a good thing for them. Help them know that part of living life is understanding that we will have to hear “no” from time to time. Show them that the word “no” can be used with both kindness and firmness…that it is an important part of life. The younger they get a handle on this truth, the easier it will be for them as they grow and mature. And, the easier life will be for you during the early years of childhood.

One other quick note: mean what you say and say only what you mean. Take this principle from the Bible in Matthew 5:37. Let your “no” mean “no”, and your “yes” mean “yes”. Be an example of consistency and integrity as you lead your children. If you continually allow them to disobey as you repeat, “Stop that!” and “I told you…”, you are fostering in them a very real sense of confusion. Young children will ever push and search for the real boundaries that make them feel safe.

These words are shared in hopes of helping you in your journey of parenting. My hope is that you enjoy your children as you raise and train them to be God-honoring adults one day.

the MAD in all MEN

When a television series makes it multiple seasons, it does so by acquiring a faithful, dedicated audience. Nothing keeps a show on the air except ratings, and those come from viewer statistics. A few days ago, Mad Men, a popular series on AMC, ended with the culmination of its seventh season. In the essence of brevity, I’ll not describe the entire series. Simply put, it was a show set mostly in the 1960’s that covered the professional and private lives of men (and some women) who worked in advertising at firms on Madison Avenue in New York City. It’s quite a clever play on words, and yet it also speaks to the actual lifestyles that many of the men on the show lived – mad. Not mad in the angry sense, but more along the lines of crazy or chaotic.

Don Draper was the lead character, and his escapades with family, personal vices, womanizing, amazing creative ad work, and huge ego were often the central thread in each episode. Truth is, it wasn’t just Don who lived this way. Running around on your wife, drinking and smoking at all times of the day, deception and cheating with clients and co-workers just seemed like a right of passage for young, up and coming ad men.

While the show clearly had what some would call questionable or downright inappropriate content, there were also some interesting aspects that drew in many fans. Of course, more of those fans were consistently men, but there was enough of a story, with appealing characters throughout, to draw in women and varying age groups. Whether you have watched or not, I think there are definitely some life lessons that can be pulled out of the fictional lives on the show.

The focus for me, being a man, is on the portrayal of manhood in many of the key characters. In the basest areas of the heart of men, this show probably ignited some fleshly embers. Being set in the 60’s, men (especially in the professional workplace) totally dominated the place. Female secretaries and assistants scampered around catching the coats and hats of their bosses who waltzed in every day like they had just saved the human race from extinction. There was such heroism, strength, and courage in their gate as they marched through the office, it was hard not to want to be like them…at least in some ways.

I think many men have a hidden desire to be seen in that light…to be looked at with reverence and awe because you are so stinking good at what you do. It would even be nice to have assistants whose sole purpose was to make your life easier, all so you could theoretically meet the intense demands of your job. Someone who took pride in keeping the distractions away from your view, and helping to protect your valuable time.

Without exception, I think there is a little MAD in all MEN. A little, “I’ll do it my way” – “I’ll take what I want” – “I’m the greatest” – “Everyone should be thankful for me” – “You’re fortunate to be graced by my genius”, rests deep down in the recesses of our corrupt hearts. If nothing else is taken from this television show, the lack of humility and the controlling desire to be worshiped should stick out like a sore thumb. The ultimate idol of Don Draper’s sin-sick heart is to be worshiped like a god…more accurately to live as a god. And, hence, the struggle…for, there is only one God.

It’s interesting to me that the word ego does not appear in the Bible. However, the Bible is filled with God’s words admonishing us to fight against this inherent desire to be worshiped. Our flesh (our natural person) desires satisfaction and fulfillment, and can be shaped to believe that the only way to have that true contentment is by satisfying all the urges of self. It is clear that God hates pride and arrogance (Proverbs 8:13). We are also warned in Matthew 23:12 that whoever exalts himself will be humbled. If we live by our own desires and devices, we will be humbled.

So, our challenge is to build up and live by our spirit (our inner man), and let the Word of God and the Holy Spirit be our guide through this maze of life. Instead of doing whatever you can to be noticed, to get ahead, we are commanded to be humble. According to Proverbs 22:4, it is genuine humility and fear of the LORD that bring wealth and honor and life. The real, lasting gift of the very things we desire so deeply only come from God’s hand of blessing, because of his goodness, when we humble ourselves.

I know you’re probably thinking that this is not the way of the real world. The meek and humble people do not get ahead. They do not end up getting the promotions that lead to the luxurious cars, big houses, and boats docked at the marina. In some circles that might seem to be accurate. And, I can’t (nor can anyone else) guarantee you that you will have all those things if you follow God’s plan for living your life. However, my question to you is, “What does it matter if you get all the money, success, notoriety, position, power, and things that you desire, but lose every other single thing that money cannot buy?” (Matthew 16:26)

Some of the more miserable, angry, sad people in the world sit in their houses surrounded by the trappings of this life every night- all alone. They’ve worked hard to get ahead, make partner, become CEO, and reach the pinnacle only to find they’ve had to step all over people along the way up. Friends have been pushed away, bridges have been burned, and families have been lost. When they finally learn it all wasn’t worth it…it’s too late.

Jesus, our example, came to the earth, not to be served, but to serve. He made himself nothing, emptied himself, and became a servant (Philippians 2:7). Truly, an inflated ego and an unbalanced focus on self is in direct opposition to God’s call for living in humility. Don, and most of the other men on Mad Men lived the antithesis of what characterizes a true Christian: total dependence on God and self-sacrificing service to others. And, that seemingly glamorous lifestyle that felt and looked so good on the outside, left them in a lonely, desolate place.

Our society, with all its clever devices, tries to get all of us twisted up in this empty pursuit. The man who would follow God’s plan, and become more like Christ – living out the gospel – will have to fight hard…and it will be worth it.

My Mom is Perfect…for me

It pains me to have to admit, although I think many of us might have experienced the exact same emotions and thoughts, but I wasn’t the easiest boy to raise. To say that I came by my childhood nickname honestly would be a gross understatement. My grandfather gave me the clever moniker of “iron head”, and somewhere inside my 3 or 4 year old brain, I think I began to do everything within my power to live up to it, and wear it like a badge of honor. Truth be told, I might have started that process straight out of the womb. As to whether or not I ever stopped, you’ll have to ask my mother.

So, the childbirth pains that accompanied my arrival were most likely outdone by the pain that came from trying to raise a little iron head. For that, I am sorry, and I have told my sweet mother that on numerous occasions in my adult years. While some might think this a bit tongue-in-cheeky, it isn’t at all. I really am sorry, and occasionally l feel some real pain and sadness that comes from the realization that I simply did not grasp the beauty of my mother while I was a child.

That’s where I think many of us might find some common ground. That area of realization that we truly didn’t have the foggiest of ideas what exactly it took for our mothers to mother us. If you were like me, you ran through your childhood thinking life was mostly (if not all) about you. You expected your mom to be there for you no matter how she felt, or no matter what was going on in her own life. Her life, in essence, was to be what you needed, when you needed it, and for however long you needed. Doesn’t that seem like such a thankless, unglamorous, tedious job? Yet, she did it day in and day out…all because my mom loves me. I know I will never be able to repay all that my mother did for me, but I hope to love and honor her well the rest of my days. She is definitely worth it, and believe me, she earned it. Not only was I a mess, but my little sister came along when I was three and added to the fun.

Doing life with my own lovely wife, and being right by her side through all the details of raising our own children has helped me gain a greater understanding and deep appreciation of motherhood. Honestly, I do not know how moms do it! It is totally beyond me! God’s plan for raising children clearly is genius. The sweet bond that is clear to see between mom and baby could only happen because God put something special in the heart of mothers. Funny thing is, that bond only grows stronger and stronger over time. Ask a loving mother about her kids today, no matter the age of her children, she will brighten up and talk about her kiddos like they are the greatest. There will be a sparkle in her eye and a smile on her face as she discusses how her awesome her children are.

It doesn’t escape me that some families have much different stories. Not everyone has a great relationship with their mom, and tons of fond childhood memories. If we’re all being honest, I can dig back and remember some of the things that weren’t the greatest as I was testing my mom’s patience and sanity. With that being the reality, let me leave you with some encouragement.

Learn from the past, live in the present, and look to the future. Choose to dwell on the good things you can remember, and do everything you can to make a better future. My relationship with my mother is better today than ever. God has a way of healing the hurts of the past, and giving all necessary grace for the now. No matter the pains of your past, and no matter how close you are to that past, God can do a work in your heart. Forgive the past, rest in the goodness of God, and treat your mom the way you hope your children will treat you as you age. The truth is, God gave you the mother you had for a purpose. Your mom was the perfect mom for you, for what he wanted you to learn. Let God continue to do the work in you that he began through your mom.

As children, we have one simple command that God puts on our lives, regarding our parents.

“Honor your father and mother”

This command is recorded in four different books of the Bible. God’s plan for children is to honor mom for as long as you have breath. There is no time in your life that you are allowed to stop honoring your mom. She is to be loved, cherished, treasured, and honored all the days of your life.

Remember this: Motherhood is a tough gig. It takes a fortitude that I’m quite sure I do not possess. Take time out to let your mom know how special she is in your life. Take the time to show her, the time to love her well. If your mom has gone on before you, live in the way she modeled for you. Honor her with your life.

For my mom: put me on the schedule. Lunch is on me whenever you want.

Sweet 16 for my BGP!

She entered this world and grabbed ahold of my heart with both hands. To this date, 16 years later, she hasn’t let go…not even for a minute.

From the moment I laid my eyes on this beautiful girl, I was clearly, eternally wrapped around her finger. She entered this world and grabbed ahold of my heart with both hands. To this date, 16 years later, she hasn’t let go…not even for a minute. Being the father of a daughter was not something I was prepared for. Honestly, I have a few problems with some of you in my life that didn’t even give me the smallest of a heads up. But, seriously, I’m not sure anything would have prepared me for the realities of having a little, precious girl look up to me the way a daughter does.

There is this overwhelming and intense pressure that I think never really subsides. The pressure from the responsibility to protect this gift of a girl that God has brought into my life. I now understand that God has used that pressure to help grow, stretch, and change me for His, mine, and her good. Frankly speaking, I couldn’t handle being a dad to a daughter (or a son for that matter) without God’s gracious hand guiding me.

And…that he did. This relationship between me and my sweet daughter is something very special and deeply rooted at the center of my big man heart. I’ve truly never melted so quickly as when I see a hurt or sadness in my daughter’s eyes. Those times when she has been pushed to her ends, and isn’t sure how to interpret or respond to this life…those are the times God has used to strengthen our bond, and severely deepen my understanding of his love for me.

My daughter has always been a source of fun, excitement, and positive influence to all who know her. She has a sincere desire to work hard and do her best in most everything she tries. That hard-working discipline has actually rubbed off on the rest of the family here and there along the way. We each get real inspiration from her; even if we all don’t readily admit it. She also loves others just about as hard as she works on projects, and always seems to have room in her heart for another. Her smile is infectious, her laugh contagious, and her personality simply charming.

It has been such a treat to watch as that little, dark-haired bundle of joy has turned into the very beautiful lady I see before my eyes today. I’m so glad that she still enjoys hanging out with me…in public…where other people see us. She is my favorite 16 year old in the whole world, and I hope and pray that her next 16 years are even greater than the first.

To any guys out there with ideas: I take that God-given responsibility to protect her and help guard her heart incredibly serious. I know God might have a good one of you out there for her one day, but just remember that until that time, I am the man in her life. If you want to get to her, and try to win her heart, you have to get through me. 😉

She will always and forever be my Baby Girl Princess.

I Don’t Love My Wife

You read that right. It’s not something that I’m proud of, but it is 100% true. I just do not love my wife…at least not all the time. See, it is a desire of my heart to love my wife, and to love her well. Reality is, though, that I often do not love her. Instead, I choose to love myself.

You have to know that I’m not talking about the typical “love” that we throw around haphazardly. Anyone can say, “I love you” or send a quick “love ya” to another person. I mean, what kind of commitment does that require? We often throw those out in passing, when there is literally zero chance to prove that it’s either really true or show that it’s not. In those times we are really stating a status quo type of feeling-based sentiment.

“I do not have time to either show that I love you, or mess up and reveal that I’m not loving you right now. So…let me just give you a little ‘I love you’, and be on with my day.”

Clint Black wrote and recorded the song, “Something That We Do”, back in 1997, and for a country song it is full of wisdom regarding the reality of love. In the song he attests that love isn’t something that we find or have, something we are in, not just those words we said, or some place that we fall…it’s something that we do. Funny how a good song can help paint a picture that imitates real life, and make us think.

God had something very similar to say in 1 John 3:16-18.

16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 17 But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? 18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

True love, love like God shows us, is in our actions. What good does it do for us to say, “I love you”, when we are unwilling to do what real love requires? There’s not a whole lot of good to come from saying you love someone, when what they really need is a helping hand, or a nice warm meal. We know the love of Jesus by his giving of himself, and that’s exactly how we are to love. It’s the only way to truly love. And, it is imperative in a marriage.

I have to understand that while I do have a deep feeling of love in my spirit for my sweet wife, that feeling can come and go based on the varying circumstances of life. Disagreements, hurts, and confusion can quickly deflate that lofty feeling of love that I often have for her. And, in those toughest of times, if I’m not committed to active loving of my wife, I will simply not love her. In truth, I will hate her with my words, my thoughts, and even my actions.

This truth has made me rethink the flippant jotting down of “I love you” in cards and notes. Instead my wife will find “It’s my joy to love you,” “I hope you can tell I love you”, and “I can’t wait to love you”. We should strive to love to the degree that saying it is just not necessary…like Jesus loved. There simply was no question as to whether or not Jesus loved.

I Appreciate My Pastors

Here’s a quick blog to remind us that October is Pastor Appreciation month. Frankly, it feels a tad weird to be writing this being that I am currently serving with my church as a pastor. But, it is important to understand that pastors also need pastoring, and I am very grateful to God for the pastors he has placed in my life along the way. As a matter of fact, I was blessed today with the opportunity to play some golf with one of those special pastors.

If you are wondering why there needs to be a specific, calendared time to honor and show appreciation to pastors, let me encourage you with these few words.

First of all, the desire to be appreciated is not absent in the hearts of pastors. They are just as encouraged and filled with joy as the next person when someone shares their appreciation for the work they do. Simply put, it just feels good to know someone is noticing your efforts and is thankful for your faithfulness to do your job well. Make no mistake, pastors’ motives behind their work is never to be about gaining the appreciation of men…but that doesn’t mean they have to shun genuine honor and appreciation when it is given.

Also, God is clear in his word that those who serve in the role of pastor should be shown appreciation and honor. 1 Timothy 5:17 says, “Let the elders (pastors) who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.” Yes, that does mean that pastors are instructed and expected to lead well. But, it also very plainly points to the role of all believers to show their pastors the honor and appreciation of which they are worthy.

In my time on this earth, it has been a real privilege to count several men who have pastored me. God has used these men to greatly influence my life, and to continually point me towards Him. They have served and lead well as pastors, and today I am praying God’s blessings on them, their families, and their ministries.

If you go to church…you’re doing it wrong.

I’m sure this statement might seem odd at first glance, “If you go to church, you’re doing it wrong.”

Truth is, the “church” never has been and never will be a place or a thing. From the time Jesus instituted the church, it has always been a people. In fact, the original Greek word for church is “ekklesia”, and it means those who are called out, or an assembly or meeting of those who are called out. Most frequently in the New Testament the word is used to describe a gathering or group of people who have professed their belief in Jesus and are meeting together to worship him.

So, you and I (as followers of Jesus Christ) are the church. And, if you are a faithful follower, you are most assuredly actively practicing and growing in your faith as part of a local church somewhere relatively close to your home. To keep from getting into a whole universal church discussion, we’ll stick to the idea of a local church.

As part of a local church body of believers in Jesus Christ, you are the church no matter where you find yourself. When you gather together for meetings or services, you are the church. When you leave that gathering, and go your separate ways, you are still the church. Paul tells us that “we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us” in 2 Corinthians 5:20. God intends that his appeal, through our lives, will happen on a 365 day a year, 24 hours a day basis.

So, why is it necessarily doing it wrong if we simply “go to” church? It’s wrong, because you and I are truly the church, and because “church” is not a place we go or a thing we do. It is something we are, and there is no time-out or pause in God’s plan to use his church. When we say that we are “going to church” or we point at a building and say, “that’s the church we go to”, we minimize the universal importance of Jesus’ church.

Interestingly enough, this past weekend a popular pastor tweeted that church was “off to a good start this weekend.” While most pastors clearly know and understand that the people are the church, many still misappropriate the use of the word. My supposition here is that our personal vernacular plays an integral part in us living out what we believe. Our word choice and usage begin to shape or reshape our thinking, and our thinking leads to our practical living.

If we simply “go to” church, it becomes very easy for an unhealthy disconnect to develop in our beliefs and our practices in our daily lives. Unhealthy, because we tend to live a certain way when we are “at church”, and totally different when on our own. Placing your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, and inviting him to be Lord and Savior in your life is a complete takeover, with no room for disconnects in our faith & practice.

Try it out for yourself in the coming days. Use the phrases “church services, church family, and church building/campus” instead of the default “church”. See if it doesn’t begin to make you consider what you are saying, and build a growing understanding of what it is to be the church. Let your heart be overjoyed by the concept of “going to meet with the church” rather than simply going to church.

Remember, always, that you are the church, and make that amazing truth part of your life every single day.