theharperblog

I was born just months after the Cowboys lost Super Bowl V to the Baltimore Colts, but before I turned one, the Cowboys had dismantled the Miami Dolphins in Super Bowl VI. My parents did right by me and raised me to be a fan of the Dallas Cowboys. So, like most other Cowboys fans, I’ve been following the Ezekiel Elliot news. Now, we wait to hear what his season with the Cowboys will look like.

Just a few miles up the road from where I sit, a federal judge is weighing a decision that will determine if Elliot will get his day in court against the NFL. It could mean he plays all season as this process plays out in the courts. It could also mean that the 6-game suspension will begin with the Cowboys’ second game of the season. Either way, it’s a shame this is what the news is full of as the NFL season kicks off.

As all of this news is unfolding, and both sides are throwing jabs at the other, I wanted to give a brief word of encouragement and challenge. Whether or not Ezekiel did physically assault his girlfriend, there is definitely something that can be learned from this situation. Below is a tweet from Drew Pearson that caught my attention the other day.

When I saw that tweet, I immediately thought about the importance of having older, wiser, successful people in our lives that we can watch and follow. It reminded me of Paul’s words in the Bible.

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.   – 1 Corinthians 11:1

Like Jesus, who lived and walked the earth as an example for us, Paul knew that others were watching his life. This verse doesn’t reveal a deep-seated pride or arrogance in Paul. Rather, it points to his understanding that anything he ever did worth imitating was because he was following Jesus.

In essence, Paul is saying that he should only be followed in as much as he was living consistently to the example of Jesus Christ. Truly, the only things in his life that were worthy of emulating would be those areas where he was living faithfully and in accordance with the life of Christ.

When Drew Pearson, (a member of the NFL’s 1970s All Decade Team and the Dallas Cowboys Ring of Honor), who played for the Cowboys from 1973-83, says that Ezekiel needs someone like Jason Witten to follow…it shouldn’t be ignored. A person needs others in his life that have been there and done that, and those people should be followed and learned from.

If you are a person who struggles to learn from others, and can’t bring yourself to let others lead you, you will have much more adversity and difficulties in your life. Jesus talks about us following him some 23 times in the Bible, and Paul builds on that by saying we should follow others in our every day lives who are following Jesus.

Having the right kind of people in your life to follow will not keep you and I from making wrong choices. However, not having anyone in your life that you look up to, learn from, and try to emulate is an area of weakness. Realize that you definitely need others in your life, and admit that you are not above needing help. We are all helpers in need of help throughout this journey of life.

In a world where time marches on, and things continually change, this chilly afternoon & evening by the fire was such a great blessing. Kym and I sat by the fire, both doing work on our own computers, and watching a few movies. It was very peaceful and relaxing in a world where things move too fast most of the time. Pretty cool just to have a rare day of down time together.

We’ve seen quite a few things change in the past couple years as our children have grown, and are often busy with their own things. I’ve written (here) about how that hasn’t been exactly easy on this dad’s heart, and how it’s been a learning stage of life for both Kym and myself. Funny how God is always teaching something and stretching us.

Seems like today God wanted to show a glimpse of what life might have in store every now and then during this new stage. Thankfully, by his grace, I didn’t miss the beauty and ease of this day. He gifted our crazy North Texas area with a chilly day, and we enjoyed the sounds of a crackling fire for hours.

I guess the dude had been forced, unnecessarily, to wait for an extended amount of time (like 52 seconds) before someone noticed him, and asked what they could do for him. I mean, really. C’mon! He had decided to patronize your establishment, and you ignored him for nearly a whole minute? What is this world coming to, when you can’t walk in to a store and be immediately served? Heavy sarcasm definitely intended.

Lately I’ve made several trips to a certain coffee shop, and come to know some of the morning employees. I’ve also seen some of the usual customers who stop in regularly in the early morning hours. It’s always been cool to me to build customer/worker relationships at my favorite places. Ever since I first watched some Cheers episodes, I’ve wanted to be a “Norm”.  I like getting to know people, and you’d be amazed at what you can learn from others.

At this particular java spot, I’ve been in awe of one of the managers. The way he handles customers, and seems like he genuinely wants to help people have a good day is inspiring. I wish I could say I’ve been shocked by some of the customers’ attitudes and actions, but unfortunately rudeness and anger are all too common these days.

This manager’s gentle and kind way of handling even the most aggravated and frustrated customer has reminded me of a simple truth- how you respond is your choice. Just this morning the man who had to wait almost a whole minute without being served felt it necessary to berate the manager. He clearly decided that he was justified in treating this manager so poorly. Yet, this manager responded with kindness, and did his best to help this man have a better day. He literally said he was sorry for this man’s wait (52 seconds) at least three times, gave him a free coffee, and said he hopes that he has a much better day. In the face of this jerky behavior, I was amazed at the self-control and appearance of genuine kindness of this manager.

I’m not sure if he is a follower of Jesus or not, but he definitely acted like it. The Bible tells us in Romans 12:9,

Never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Ephesians 4:32 tells us to treat everyone with kindness. It doesn’t say we should do it only when others are kind to us. In fact, the Bible says we are to “love your enemies” in Matthew 5:44.

Truth: people are going to treat you badly. They will put themselves before everyone else, and take out their frustrations on you, sometimes in a very nasty and ugly way.

Another truth: you do not have to repay that sentiment with ugliness of your own. In fact, try the kindness route and see just how many times you can defuse their angst. You’ll be surprised at what a little kindness will do.

Now, do not expect every angry, belligerent person to soften in response to your kindness. Sometimes they’re just too far gone, and lost in the middle of their bad attitude. But, remember, you’re choosing kindness as a matter of principal, and not just to change the other person. More times than not, it will work wonders. And, even when it doesn’t work, you will know you did what you could to help them.

Thankfully, the concept that pastors are somehow more spiritual and closer to God has been blown to pieces over the years. Unfortunately it has happened due to gross sin being exposed in the lives of pastors and ministry leaders. Even so, it’s a great thing to get fixed in your mind…we are all sinners.

Sin appears in my life daily. Often they are sins of commission, where I am very aware that I have missed the mark of godliness by my direct actions. Other times they are sins of omission, where I again am aware that I missed the mark, but by my inaction. Then, there are times that I miss the mark, but I do not realize it at the moment. In every case, I have lived out my life in a way that falls short of the glory of God.

By God’s grace, and thanks to his mercy, I am able to see my sin. Granted, I do not always see it or even admit it easily, but God has a way of bringing people into my life who help me recognize my sin. This allows me the honor of working on growing in these areas.

What I struggle with (just behind dishonoring God with my sin) is the pain that my sin causes others. This is never more evident than in my own nuclear family. God has richly blessed me with three wonderful gifts to be part of my family. These people know me best, and neither of them have run for the hills. They see the faults, the struggles, the angry moments, etc.

Sometimes I am more concerned with being right than listening. Other times I seek my own agenda rather than seeking to lead and love well. My reaction to tense situations and discussions is often to protect my own interests. When I have messed up, or I need to answer for something I did or said, I tend to defend myself at all costs. In these moments, my family feels the pain of my sin.

However, they don’t give up on me. They don’t beat me down when I mess up. Somehow they still love me, care for me, and help me work towards being more like Jesus. Talk about a man being blessed way beyond what he deserves. Wow!

I think that is because they understand that they too are sinful. They understand that we all, no matter how hard we strive to honor God, fall short (Romans 3:23) of the standard set by Jesus. Having these kind of people around you is paramount in helping you realize your sin, and push you to grow in Christlikeness. Because God is so awesome, he has also placed others in my life that have license to speak directly into my life.

One question for you as you read through this short post: Do you realize that you are a sinner, and do you let people in your life have license to help you grow? That’s more like two questions in one, but it’s okay.

To my family: Thank you from the bottom of my sinful heart for sticking with me, by my side, and allowing God to use you in my life. I’m not sure where I’d be without you.

 

If you’ve had dear friends that have been a crucial part of your life for many years, then you know the pain of losing them when they move. This is an especially difficult part of life for a church family. Of course, after two decades serving as a pastor with the same church, it is something you come to expect. Families move to town. They become integral parts of your church and even your personal life. Then, whether they truly want to or not, life takes a turn, and they are quickly gone…moving on to a new destination.

Our church will most definitely miss this dear family. They have served faithfully, willingly with a heart for others. You name it in the church, and they have had a hand in helping that ministry achieve excellence. God doesn’t just have to replace our friends, but also a big part of our ministry team in our church.

We trust in the knowledge that God definitely has a plan, and that his plans are for our good. Still, the empty feeling of loss that resides in the depths of our hearts is real. And, sometimes the question of “why” just won’t stop its nagging. That’s why I like to stop, think on the memories, and recount all the super fun times we’ve enjoyed together.

These pictures show just a smidgeon of the fun times we’ve had with this family. It’s crazy! Friends have a way of becoming family when you do life together. Personally, we have done ministry together, seen each other most every week, and spent lots of time together in various ways.

My own baby girl learned how to be a babysitter with these cute faces in these pictures, and my son learned the importance of being an example to others. The age difference between our kiddos provided a very neat opportunity for unique friendships, that I am convinced will last for many, many years to come.

My wife took on an important job of being a kindergarten teacher, and Becky was sweet enough to jump right in with her. They were side by side for the last three years pouring in to each other as they worked hard to bestow knowledge to their kinders. As a husband, I’ve been increasingly thankful for the friendship Becky has given to my wife. I’ll have my hands full trying to help soften the hurt in her heart in the coming weeks and months.

I was blessed to be there for the first time Eric took his son, Jake hunting. It was a great day as one of our resident hunting experts in Berean, Big Joe, was showing us all the ropes. We didn’t get a ton of doves that day, but we did have lots of fun trying. See what I mean, remembering good times is a good tool in handling sadness.

So, yeah. The sadness is real, and there is no magic trick to make it disappear with a snap of the fingers. But, we know God wouldn’t have us stay in this sadness-stricken state. He wants us to know that what he has planned to come will be just as amazing. That’s not because the Day family is so easily replaced (FAR from it)…it’s because our God is so awesome!

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”  -Philippians 4:19

“For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.”           -2 Corinthians 1:20

During these times (like we should at all times), we cling tightly to his many promises, and trust his sovereignty in all things. He knows the sadness and the hurt we have, and he’s at work in it all.

Mine sure does…suck, that is. Please excuse the word choice. I know it’s harsh, and I would normally go with something like stink, but sometimes my attitude is honestly way worse that just stinking. And, the harshness of that word is incredibly accurate as it points to the sin that overtakes me and torpedoes my attitude.

Of course, given enough time, I do eventually get over it. And I usually think how sad it is that I let myself get so focused on different things and circumstances that it took over my whole attitude. However, if I’m not careful, I end up doing it all over again.

Why is that?

With all the clever, sayings & quotes, memes, graphics, etc…you’d think we could just pick ourselves up out of the doldrums, grab some encouragement and move on. Of course, it is often much harder than that, and for some, a bad attitude can stick around for many days, even weeks.

Real quickly, I just wanted to drop a few words that might help, if this finds you dealing with a bad attitude.

Ask yourself these questions to evaluate yourself…

1. Did someone do something that attributed to my attitude problem?
2. If so, why did I (or continually do I) give them such power over me?
3. Did something I do cause my attitude to tank?
4. Was it just one thing, or did multiple things stack up on each other?
5. Are things exactly as you think they are, or are you assuming?

Part of our sin nature is to care about what people think of us, to care about how people treat us, to get down on ourselves, and to think that our perception of reality is always correct. People will say, “Well, he said ‘_________’. What else could he have meant by that? He clearly has a problem with me.” We leave no room for the possibility that there might be another explanation. On top of that, we are very good at adding things up until we have this tower of issues that submerges our attitude to the depths of our being.

In a very real sense, we want to be our own god. We want total control over what happens to us, how we’re treated, how others handle their own lives, etc. If it connects to us at all, we want things to go the way we want things to go. In other words, we want to be the gods of our own lives…controlling all circumstances and situations in a way that we see fit.

Instead, we should be looking at each situation with humility.

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.      -Philippians 2:3-4

 

We are, instead of trying to be our own god, to have the mind of Christ.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus    -Philippians 2:5

Even when things go sideways, people actually do treat us poorly, and sin against us, the call on our lives is to follow the Lord’s example. Jesus faced real trials, persecution and suffering. Yet, in the midst of it all, he remained hopeful and was ever patient.

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.       -1 Peter 2:23

When you find yourself stuck in this position, fighting your attitude, and nothing seems to help you get unstuck, do these two things.

First, go to a good family member or friend who you know loves God, and loves you. Even if you have a stack of issues, it’s a safe bet that one person isn’t at the center of it all. Find that person, share your heart, and let them be a blessing to you.

Second (and most importantly), sit down and make a list of the great blessings you have in your life. I hear you right now saying, “Oh yeah, I know, be grateful. I get it.” And you’ve got that rolling eyes smirk on your face. Get past that self-centered bull, and begin to make an actual list of the ways God has blessed you. You will be amazed at how your heart can begin to shift when you are focused on God’s goodness to you.

You’ve met multiple times, done tons of talking, and discussed how the Bible addresses the struggles of life. There have been meetings for coffee, lunch appointments, quick breakfasts, and even a few late-night Waffle House trips. This person is your friend, your fellow Christian, and you’ve always been willing to meet and talk. You’ve been told that your friendship and counsel is a real blessing to this person.

However, you’re reaching the point of giving up. The talks have gone on and on, but there are zero signs of change. This person has the same problems, and most every step of forward progress has been met with two or three steps backward. Now, you are facing the struggle of considering whether or not you should continue spending (or wasting) time in this manner. Seriously, you wonder if wouldn’t be better for you to pour into a young Christian, and see them grow?

So…when is it okay to just be done? Can a Christian just decide enough is enough? The quick and easy answer is, “No.” But, there is also some ambiguity when it comes to defining what giving up means.

Matthew 10:14 is a verse often used to declare a Christian’s right to be done.

“And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.”

Truth is, that verse is specifically referring to non-Christians who refuse to hear the gospel. This verse can’t be pulled out of context, and applied to Christians living in community together. Yes, it can be frustrating to your spirit when your friend seems to continually ignore the truth, but you can’t just pick a verse that you think gives you an out.

Our example for living this life is Jesus. Jesus modeled a life of self-sacrifice, infinite faithfulness, and ultimate love, and he tells us to love as he does.

Ephesians 4:2 says that we need to have all humility, gentleness, and patience, as we bear with one another in love. In 1st Peter 4:8, we’re told “above all, keep loving one another earnestly.”

1 Corinthians 13:7 gives some definition to love saying that “love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

So, as we are loving well and that love is enduring all things, we can “not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” Galatians 6:9. This verse is not a promise that as long as we do not give up, everything will definitely work out with our friend, and that friend will turn from sin. But it does mean that we are to stay faithful to the work of living in biblical community with one another, and let God handle the change that needs to take place in a person.

“Not as involved in pursuing your friend is not the same as giving up.”

Once it is understood that there is no allowance for giving up on a fellow Christian, we can evaluate what level of leaning in we need to offer our friend. The level of involvement has to change based on level of response from your friend. When your friend is listening, studying, and trying to make changes, you’ve got to be all in. You can meet regularly, and be the supportive and encouraging friend…always speaking truth in love. As long as things are progressing, everything is good and on track.

Moving to the next level happens when that friend ceases to pour into changing, misses meetings, or doesn’t do the studying. The next level comes when your friend does the yoyo thing with you. They are serious for a time, then missing for a time, and seeming not to care. Then, they come calling, and you start the process all over again. While you will still pour in, and lean in to help them change, you will do so with a certain level of guard. This isn’t because you do not care as much, or are not serious about helping. It is because there is an important shift from you doing the pursuing. The friend is reaching out, and you are going to still be there to help.

The final level for me is when you make significant changes to the amount of availability you have for this friend. This means that you might meet when your friend calls, but you won’t enter into a regular meeting or counseling situation. Instead, you will wait and ask to see some commitment and consistency from your friend. If this is a serious time of wanting change, it will be an easy step for your friend. If not, then, you haven’t wasted any time, and have saved yourself opportunity for frustration.

Remember, this is a way of approaching a fellow Christian when you are having feelings of wanting to give up. The pervading thought should be, “I won’t give up because God has never given up on me.”